Checking the production’s bebo page in advance (here) informed that this was “a gritty contemporary version of one of the world’s most famous love stories.” I wasn’t sure exactly what this meant but it set alarm bells ringing nonetheless as i feared it would disqualify it and thus delay my graduation to “theater buff”. After much soul searching I decided that Shakespeare was Shakespeare and I braced myself for Verona to be replaced by Finglas. Perversely I was curious to know what my reaction to hearing “Romeo, Romeo, where de bleedin’ hell are ya Romeo?” would be.

In the end my fears proved unfounded and we were treated to an excellent production of Shakespeare’s most famous Hollywood movie, with fine performances from all the cast. For the first two acts the production was essentially by the book with merely the costumes and music used suggesting the contemporary setting threatened by the Bebo page. However in act 3 things changed and we took a trip to left field.

The production ran for nearly 3 hours and despite being impressed throughout, I must admit that the long running time took its toll and I began to feel quiet drowsy midway through the final act. It is to the directors credit that at precisely this moment the production confidently, but curiously, departed from the traditional storyline and roused me from my stupor. Aliens chasing ninjas through a forest is a brave move in a Shakespearean play and I must admit that I was baffled and dare I say lost. However at this point the alien and the ninjas united and turned their attention to me forcing me to forget my reservations at the curious twist and concentrate on merely surviving the production. I wondered how my fellow audience members would react but as I defeated the last of the ninjas the crowd stood and clapped in unison whilst the cast bowed in a futile attempt to steal my kudos.

So who am I to argue? It wasn’t textbook Shakespeare, but the audience loved it and in the end isn’t that what matters?

As you all know, we’re massive fans of the Frames here at Dossing Times Towers.
By chance, we’ve managed to get our hands on the lyrics to the first track of their upcoming album, Oscar.

Nominate
My simple song
An award gong
My director mate
My nominate
Are you so far from me this day
That you didn’t hear of my nominate

My ginger locks
I bloody rock
It’s a bit late
My nominate
I’m fucking great
I rest my case
Cause you all suck
My nominate

Sometimes I need a nomination
Sometimes the cools too hard to fake
That’s why I need a nomination
This time I’m taking my own bow
Does this mean I’m cool
Does this mean you care
I spent my life just to ponder the words
That I would say in my speech
But I’m all too great, my nominate

Sometimes I need a nomination
Sometimes the cools too hard to fake
That’s why I need a nomination

It was the middle of November and I found myself in the unusual situation of having to plan a second date. A food basket, of sorts, was called for and as I was eager to impress I headed to my local Tesco in search of the perfect constituents. Eventually my quest brought me to the juice section where, perhaps by fate, I mindlessly picked a carton of Sqeez Cranberry and Orange Juice. At the time it was significant only as a fusion of my favourite fruit juices but it would prove delicious and ever since I have been eager for more.

Frustratingly that has proved impossible as I cannot find another carton of it anywhere. It’s like the product has vanished off the planet with stores not being out of stock, but actually not selling it. My search reached its nadir last night when, with time to kill, three Tescos, a Dunnes and 2 Spars failed to yield success. I’ve even begun to ignore the actual products on display and check the product description and price tags on the shelves.

It has been suggested that I should somehow play God and fashion my own Cranberry and Orange Juice from other Sqeez products. However, that sounds like too much trouble to me to be viable in the long term. (I am aware of the irony given the trouble I’ve gone through to find the bloody product so no need to point it out).

Now, I fear the worst.

Blessed with a fleeting taste of heaven, cursed forever with the memory.

The Rolling Stones tickets went on sale this morning and, eventually, sold out. Tickets were still available well after 9am which astonished me. Maybe, the Stone’s audience were still in bed, I don’t know. If it had been a McFly concert it would have probably sold out in 20 minutes…that’s today’s music scene for you.

Anyways, all 3 authors here at the Dossing Times will be in attendance in August. To celebrate here is a special 15 minutes of Youtube dedicated to Mick and the boys.

To begin, Gimme Shelter. This is my favourite track by the Stones, something I share with Martin Scorcese…that or he’s contracted to put it in all his movies.

Sticking with movie themes, here’s Paint it Black, famously used in Full Metal Jacket.

Next, Miss you

Changing gear a little with Ruby Tuesday

Finally, a real cigarette lighter song, Angie

This 15 minutes of dossing was brought to you by the Dossing Times…your number 1 dossing destination.

However lately I haven’t been contributing at all to the blog and I feel that it’s right for me to go.

To finish I’d like to leave you with possibly my favourite moment from one of my all-time favourite TV shows, Scrubs. Anybody who cannot watch this without laughing, even after multiple viewings, is a friend of mine.

Hell, why not go out in style

My next post, on the Simpsons movie, will be my last post and is how I want to go out (In fact you probably read that before this post, oh well). So I think it’s only fitting that I leave you with these sentiments (Kudos to the first to get the reference)

“This scene is gettin’ old, man. I’m hittin’ the road! Maybe I’ll drop you a line someday from wherever I end up in this crazy old world!”

Be Good,
Tuathal

So help me, if Transformers sucks I’m never getting excited about a movie ever again.

To draw attention to this issue I’ve decided to combine 2 of Dossing Times biggest features; Top 6 Friday and 15 Minutes of Youtube. Ladies and Gents, I give you the Top 6 Misleading Trailers in the history of cinema.

Enjoy

Number 6

Number 5

Number 4

Number 3

Number 2

Number 1

So one thing I won’t do when talking about the current spat between America and Russia is say that George Bush is trying to restart the…no I won’t even type those two words. You know the ones. Suffice to say, they sound like ‘Old bore’ and mean ‘Frigid conflict’

So, George Bush wants to build a missile defence system in Eastern Europe and Vladimir Putin has threatened to point missiles at Europe to deter him.

Whilst busy getting in the sly dig about Russia’s democratic system, George still found time to assure Vlad’ (Can I call him that?) that Russia is not the enemy. Well, I should hope not, although in fairness to Vlad’, it is difficult to say exactly who is America’s enemy these days.

Still, if you’re not the enemy what have you to fear from America building a missile defence system on your border? It’s just like the Patriot Act. Only the “enemy” should be worried.

May I close by offering Vlad one piece of advice? Trying to deter America, especially 21st century America, by threatening France and Germany might not be the best way to go.

Just a thought.

Let’s begin with last Wednesdays night where Pat squared up to the number one enemy of this state, Michael McClown. With a devastating body blow, accusing McDowell of being a ‘menopausal Paris Hilton’, Pat knocked the wind out of the intellectual left in this country. The knockout blow was swiftly delivered when Pat explained his joke so that every man woman and child in the country could understand it. Pat doesn’t just do biting wit, he does biting wit for everybody and like a good comedian takes time to explain the joke if needed. Game, set and match for that debate. As if to prove my point, Pat put himself into auto-pilot for the rest of the debate, just repeating the standard party rhetoric over and over.

Genius.

It’s important to remember that it was McDowell he attacked so effectively. That makes Pat a member of a very unique group who have actually been brave enough to criticise McDowell in public. McDowell thinks he is better than each and every one of us, folks, and that makes him one of the favourite sons of our unfortunately partisan media. It makes him an unpopular target. Pat’s attack on McDowell, was a blow against pseudo-intellectuals everywhere. It was also an attack on the party who introduced risk equalisation into our health insurance, a blatantly far left policy.

It’s not the first time that Pat has had to call McDowell on something. At the start of 2006 Pat was kind enough to urge the Irish people that ‘there are 40 million poles, remember’. He brought up the issue of work permits being introduced for non-EU immigrants here. McDowell has said, to paraphrase, that he wants to personally go to the airport and listen to people’s stories coming into the country but the U.N won’t let him. Stories? What kind of namby pamby approach is that? And since when should the U.N be able to tell our elected officials what to do? I don’t know about you but it’s about time that somebody took a tough line on immigration in this country and stood up to the U.N while they are at it.

Fast forward to the weekend, where Pat consolidated his good work of Wednesday night by delivering a scud-missile to the heart of socialism in this country. ‘Forget it Bertie’. Have 3 words being uttered with more conviction since George H. W. Bush defiantly declared ‘No more taxes’ in 1988? I think not. Pat attacked Bertie, the most famous socialist on this island and the premier pretty boy of our so called media. In under a week he has taken down public enemies number one and two.

See, Pat and his party fight the good fight against the left in this country and to do that you instil equality into the system. A famous maxim of equality states that you should “treat likes alike and unlikes unlike”. The Alliance for Change is committed to the notion that everybody in Ireland is equal. That’s why they don’t want the extra 1000 beds it is claimed co-located hospital could quickly produce. Co-Location would lead to a two-tiered health system and that is something this country does not want.

Accordingly, the programme for government is committed to lowering taxes at all levels even for the rich, a section of our society sometimes shamefully neglected by parties before an election. . (Of course, cutting taxes is nothing new for labour. They were also the first party to give the corporations a sporting chance in this country, lest we forget.) Brian Cowen tried to argue that these tax cuts are a bad thing on Questions and Answers on Monday night. The simple fact of the matter is, it would be hypocritical of Fine Gael and Labour to criticise the two tier health system that would occur under co-located hospitals and then turn around and have a multi-tiered tax system. Of course those on €450,000 per annum should pay as much PRSI as those on €45,000. It would be totally immoral if they paid a penny less and a black eye for equality in this country. The Alliance for Change knows the 3% of the population Cowen was speaking about is every bit the equal of the other 97%.

Confirmation of Labours good work, not just this past week, but throughout the campaign, was unwittingly provided by the now famous Irish “Chimes” poll. Fianna Fail up 5%? Give me a break! Not only does this poll contradict the sentiments Fine Gael and Labour have being hearing on the doorstep, it flatly contradicts the 2 most important opinions of all; those of Enda Kenny and Pat Rabbitte. Enda and Pat know that the opinion poll in their hearts irrefutably claims that the Irish people want a change. They feel it and that’s good enough for me. The Irish Times poll is merely confirmation that victory will be ours on Thursday. The left wing partisan media have panicked and released this barometer of “popular “opinion in an attempt to give the now savaged left (Thanks Pat) a fillup in the days before the election, claiming that Fianna Fail are popular amongst the electorate. Excuse me, but since when has an election been a popularity contest?

Lets look at the facts of the debate without the spin.

Enda demonstrated leadership, clarity, simplicity, accountability and vision all throughout last nights debate. Health is a prime example of this and lot was made of his performance on health. Enda Kenny set out his plan for the health system in simple terms so everybody could grasp his vision. What is his plan? Simple, to fix the health system and supply 2300 badly needed new beds. How is he going to do it? Simple, by putting it on his Contract for a Better Ireland. Its that simple folks and thats what’s been missing for the last 10 years.

On the other hand, Bertie Ahern wanted to get into specifics, quoting figures here there and everywhere trying to peddle the myth that sorting out health is complex. That’s depressing and we know better. It’s not complex. it just needs to get done. Old “Figures” Ahern wanted you to think we ordinary Joe’s couldn’t do it without first thinking it through and having a detailed plan. Arrogance, ladies and gentlemen. The lefties said the same thing about America before it sucessfully toppled Saddam, remember.

Illustrating how out of touch he is, Ahern demanded to know how Enda was going to pay for the extra beds. Enda doesn’t do specifics, he doesn’t do nitty gritty. He’s like you and me. Who cares how the health system is fixed, so long as it is fixed? Enda doesn’t and we shouldn’t either. Who cares if Enda can’t explain how he’s going to fund 2300 extra beds? He’s in touch with the common man, and what common man could explain how to pay for 2300 extra beds in the health service? I know I couldn’t. Enda “feels” that he can fix the health system, what more do you want?

I’ve read on this website that Bertie effectively got Enda to admit that cancer patient treatment would have to be cut to pay for the extra beds. This is confusing the issue and the solution. Beds are what’s important in the health system. Cancer patients need beds not treatment folks. Ask yourself, would somebody rather be tucked up nice and snug in bed or would they instead like to get radium or chemo treatment? Its a no brainer.

Demonstrating leadership, vision and simplicity folks, that’s what’s important.

Bertie claimed that Fine Gael’s policy for all children under the age of 5 will have free GP visits wouldn’t benefit any child alive in Ireland today. Wait just a second there. Has Bertie got a problem with provisions that benefit unborn children? Come to think of it, has he ever actually told us what side of the abortion debate he comes down on? Can we trust Bertie with the health of our unborn children? With Enda, we can.

And God bless justice spokesperson Jim O’Keeffe. His error on the crime statistics and the confusion it caused afforded Enda the chance to show supreme leadership and, in the near future, accountability within Fine Gael. Is there any better way of demonstrating your leadership qualities than saying “Look, I’m the leader”? That’s what Enda Kenny did last night when questioned on the lack of coherence between himself and his justice spokesperson. Genius, in its simplicity. Accountability within Fine Gael will be aptly illustrated in the coming weeks when Enda Kenny punishes Jim for his error by refusing him a ministry.

And, so what if Fine Gaels spending proposals will cost over 5 billion whilst they only plan to spend 2 billion. What’s wrong with a little optimism? America took an optimist approach to invading Iraq and they crushed Saddam within a few weeks. Besides, its only a difference of 3 billion. That’s only the education budget and everybody keeps telling me how small that is. That’s the cost of 23 days for American troops in Iraq. 23 days out of 4 years is hardly even worth counting. The fact is Enda is dealing in billions and he’s only out by 3. A measly 3 folks. That’s the PD’s share in the opinion polls and so well within the margin of error territory. Its negligible.

Enda Kenny fought the good fight for me and you last night. Its our time now. Time for the common man. The man on the street has been outside looking in for too long. We’ve long known that he could run the country better than that shower in there at the moment. Last night, Enda Kenny gave the entire country a taste of what common average Joe is like compared to the current Taoiseach. In a weeks time we’ll have the common man Taoiseach.